A gentleman with chronic shizophrenia I have nursed has long suffered delusional beliefs. For example, the vagina in his brain is what causes women to make him masturbate....

However, one day, this guy was sat talking with a nurse in the garden area, watching the magpies stalk the ground for food. After a while, he told the nurse that the bird was actually “Jessica”, a former policewoman from his home area who was reincarnated and often talked to him.

The nurse intrigued by this disclosure invited me over to join the conversation which went something like..

“We're just sitting talking, why don't you tell Ian what you we talked about”

“What d'ya mean?”

“Well tell Ian about Jessica” to which he related a story of a policewoman in his home area who he remembers.

“And tell Ian, what's that over there”, as she points to said magpie, he looks back at her and says in dead pan face,

“It's a bird. Didn't you know that?”

As a young student nurse on my Theatre rotation, I was in the fortunate(?) position of watching the Master of Surgery remove an in-grown toe nail from a 10 yr. old boy. All the way through the operation Mr. O Donnell made disparaging remarks about the childs mothers inability to cut her sons toenails properly, advising that if she had done so, the child would not have been on his table that day.
When the surgery was complete and the child dispatched to Recovery, The Great One dramatically threw off his shoe, placed his foot on the table and presented all present with a snow white foot adorned with perfectly clipped, straight toenails. "That" he informed us "is how toenails should be cut!" Behind her hand the scrub nurse whispered to me "Thank God he wasnt doing a circumcision!!!"

I'm sitting in a coffee shop and I nearly had a cinammon latte spew all over my keyboard - hilarious!

__________________
The ER is the only place where you are rewarded for efficiency by getting more patients!

Kim
http://www.emergiblog.com