I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.


The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?


I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.


'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'


Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.


The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...


You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.


My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.


A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.


First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

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