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Old 01-08-2008, 08:13 AM
Posts: n/a
Default did you ever feel this way?

I have had my RN license for 2 months now. Unfortunately, the first time that I took the NCLEX, I did not pass. The second time I passed with flying colors. Everyday was a struggle for me. Not only did I have to deal with the fact that I didnt pass, I had to deal with additional drama at my job. Everyday I was harrassed about when I was going to take the test and the pressure was mounting for me to pass. I felt as though I had to carry a mountain. During the first time that I took the NCLEX, I was still in my new graduate internship. When management found out that I didnt pass, they immediately took me away from the bedside and I was demoted to a tech position. So for 2 1/2 months, I was not able to participate in patient care nor were the nurses willing to teach me anything.

When I got my license, management literally threw me back to patient care. So I am essentially starting all over again.

I feel like I dont know anything. I have no support at my job and everyday someone makes an effort to make me feel less than the gum on the bottom of someone's shoe. 80% of the nurses in my unit are of Filipina descent and I feel as though I have been discriminated against. The nurses assign me to extremely hard cases back to back, and I have no support. There have been times when I am still at work an hour and a half after I was supposed to clock out and I have no help. The charge nurse will just leave me when she knows I am drowning. I have been written up on numerous occasions for things that I have not done and for lies that people tell.

Since I am contractually bound to work at this hospital, meaning that I will owe thousands of dollars if I quit before my specified time period is up, I have to stay where I am. I am very inexperienced as far as the length of time I have been a nurse. And even if i were to quit now, I dont think anyone would hire me due to my inexperience.

I just dont know what to do. I feel as though I have no one to talk to. I just feel so overwhelmed and stupid. I struggle each shift, and I just dont feel confident in my nursing judgement right now. I have panic attacks all of the time, I get sick at work because I am so nervous, I dont sleep, I feel on edge all of the time, and I feel like im losing it.

Did anyone else struggle as a new nurse? If so, when did you start feeling confident? Any advice for me?

thank you to anyone who reads this and extra thanks to those who respond.
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