View Full Version : Funny things Said to You.


NurseSean
06-27-2007, 06:21 PM
I thought I would start a thread where we could list all the funny things patients/nurses/doctors etc. have said to you regarding being a (male) nurse.

I had a patient say something along the lines of, "So...if women are Registered Nurses when they graduate, what to they call men when they graduate from their school? Male Nurses?"

He was shocked to learn we are all Registered Nurses, and furthermore that we go to the same schools! I got a chuckle.

Sean

Christopher Dallman
06-29-2007, 01:33 PM
I tend to get some patients referring to me as "Doctor", even though I'm wearing a white tunic, and not a garish tie.

geenaRN
06-29-2007, 03:46 PM
Whenever I go into a room with a male nurse to help me (pull up/reposition a patient, etc)... when I go back in later, the patient invariably asks me "who that nice doctor was that helped" me.

:rolleyes:

Mother Jones, RN
07-01-2007, 07:09 PM
An 80 year old man found out that his male "doctor" was really a nurse. He turned to me and said, "That explains it. I was wondering why a doctor was giving me a bath this morning. Why would he? Your job SUCKS!"

P/J
07-01-2007, 11:20 PM
For some time I was the only male nurse on our ward, but still being a student I wasn't sure about everything pt ask you. So I was in my office (its actually the med students office, but us nurse students use it at the moment) doing medication logs and I got a message saying to go to room .... as my nurse buddy wanted me.

So down I trundle to the room, there is my pt for the morning sitting on the side of the bed, he was refusing to talk to the female nurse (my buddy) as he wanted to talk to a guy! I ended up having to say I had to check with her as she was supposed to be teaching me.

This happened a number of times, with regards to showers esp.

Mother Jones, RN
07-02-2007, 09:10 AM
I imagine that many male patients are happy to see male nurses on the unit when it's time for a bed bath. Do you ever have female patients refuse to have you for their nurse because you are a man?

MJ

P/J
07-03-2007, 09:59 PM
I imagine that many male patients are happy to see male nurses on the unit when it's time for a bed bath. Do you ever have female patients refuse to have you for their nurse because you are a man?

MJ

YES!!! MJ.
It happens all the time, but not always because I'm male, I think most of the time it is because I'm male and young (20s). Most of the time I don't mind (one less I have to do) but other nurses hate it (more work for them). Most of the time you can pick the pt that will refuse (the young and very sick), but there are some surprises. The issue is that it can delay the rest of your day as your pt take longer to be ready for other things.

The hospital where I work tries to maintain independence for the pt, So pt generally wash themselves with a nurse there to transport pt in and out, and to supervise until it comes to backs, feet/legs, and hair. When pt realize this (that many nurses are there just to supervise) they generally agree for male nurses.

Julie
07-04-2007, 01:24 PM
I always find it amazing that patients are willing to show any part of their body to a man they think is a doctor but then don't want a man who is a nurse to wash them.

MyOwnWoman
07-04-2007, 02:43 PM
My brother (a male nurse) was told by a male patient that he would not take the medication prescribed to him in the ER unless it was given to him by that "pretty nurse" out there by the desk. The pretty nurse was a secretary. My brother said, "okay," and left with the medication. The ER was, as always, particularly busy; so....the man waited and waited and waited, (it was only an antibiotic so don't get excited)until he finally said to my brother, "Hey, when am I going to get my medication and be able to go home?" My brother, without a grin on his face said, "Oh, I'd say in about 4 years, the secretary you pointed to just started nursing school.

Disclaimer: The story above may or may not be true....decide for yourself. If it's true, I certainly don't want to violate the HIPPA laws, if it's not true, then I've amuse you. Either way it's all good.

PS: The man got his meds and went home. Opppps.... does that make the story true?

KimRN
07-04-2007, 06:22 PM
Thanks for the laughs today - too funny! We have a Physician's Assistant who also happens to be an RN AND an NP! We worked with Joe as a staff nurse before the docs hired him as a PA.

He repeated, and I mean repeatedly tells the patients he is not the doctor and no one seems to hear him! It happens now as a PA and it happened then as an RN!

I work with a ton of male nurses. The testosterone level in my department is very adequate - there are nights that between the doctor, the ER tech and my co-nurses I'm the only female.

This means that I do all the pelvic exams with the doc and the female caths on young women. I don't mind. The guys have my back for other things and we work together.

Christopher Dallman
07-11-2007, 01:25 PM
The testosterone level on my ward is the complete opposite. There's only me and a part time support worker who are male, and he'll be leaving once he's finished his nurse training.

Jax
07-13-2007, 01:01 AM
"I always find it amazing that patients are willing to show any part of their body to a man they think is a doctor but then don't want a man who is a nurse to wash them"

I found in my own experience as a pt I didn't really care. or maybe that was the drugs ;)

seriously tho, he was the only other nurse available at the time and as I was in traction I certainly needed the help :)

unsinkablemb
09-03-2007, 11:09 PM
Patient safety is, as in other units, #1 on our list in the OR.

After a male patient moved over to the operating room table, I covered him with warm blankets and informed him that I would be placing a leather safety strap over his thighs.

He smiled and asked, "Kinda like S&M, right?"

To everyone's amusement, I turned bright red and replied, "Uh, not exactly..."

What else could I say? Sorry, there's no Naught Nurse here!

Julie
09-04-2007, 03:15 AM
Amazing what some people are prepared to say infront of a bunch of strangers. Who said you don't need to think on your feet as a nurse!!

KimRN
09-07-2007, 09:43 AM
Patient safety is, as in other units, #1 on our list in the OR.

After a male patient moved over to the operating room table, I covered him with warm blankets and informed him that I would be placing a leather safety strap over his thighs.

He smiled and asked, "Kinda like S&M, right?"

To everyone's amusement, I turned bright red and replied, "Uh, not exactly..."

What else could I say? Sorry, there's no Naught Nurse here!

I think I would have said, "In your dreams, dude!" :D But then, that's just me! :o

Julie
09-07-2007, 10:22 AM
Why am I not surprised? :)

Jess
09-16-2007, 10:02 PM
Some of these things are absolutely hilarious! I haven't had a lot of funny things said to me, but one of my classmates told me her story:

"One of my nurse's patient's operation was scheduled for the next day instead of the original day. She went in to tell her patient and the patient was like "Oh, that's good because I already ate breakfast!" :D

PixelRN
09-17-2007, 08:55 AM
One of my fellow nurses was complaining to the attending that every time the residents scheduled a procedure, she was always the last to know.

"Tell someone else," the attending replied. "Then that person will be the last to know."

Jess
09-17-2007, 10:58 AM
Haha, that is great PixelRN! These posts are making me chuckle! :D

PixelRN
09-17-2007, 11:26 AM
Thanks, Jess. I will try to think of some more but my memory is not what it used to be.

Julie
09-17-2007, 01:44 PM
A patient once told me that he was unable to use a urinal in bed as his anatomy was just too large for it to fit in the top of it. Can't remember what happened as I was only about 18 but I am sure I slunk away with a red face!

geenaRN
09-17-2007, 03:17 PM
This is easily the funniest thing ever said to me. (http://www.codeblog.com/archives/tales_from_the_ccu/dadumdum.html)

jojodow
09-17-2007, 11:28 PM
Not a funny thing....more like a funny story.

While at the hospital I admitted a 70 yr old from Post Op Cholecystectomy. When he got there he was confused (we figured it was the Morphine PCA) and kept saying he was "gonna die today" I told him we don't like to hear that kinda stuff on my floor and he laughed.

(It gets better) He could answer all my orientation ?s but kept saying goofy things all the while his wife was just laughing at him at the bedside.
Then he got all serious and said

"You're a nurse right?"
I said "yes sir"
"OK, I trust you but I'm real worried about you, look at this tube right here" pointing to his foley going down to the gravity bag.
I said "Ok"
He said "Now see that thing it's attached to?"
I pick up the urine filled bag and say yes
He says real serious "Now honey, That's a bomb...you have to get everyone out of here"
Without breaking my expression, I hold it up higher so he can see... "No sir...It's just Pee"
His Wife nearly fell off her chair laughing.

He was really concerned. After the Morphine wore off he had forgotten the whole thing...but laughed when we told him about it.:laugh:

Marachne
09-18-2007, 01:55 AM
Not said to me, but still one of the funniest things I've heard. One of our beloved patients, after several rounds of chemo and radiation came back with brain mets for her final days. Staying with her a lot of the time was one of her best and dearest friends. One night, at around 0300, the patient woke up and said to her friend:

"I want you to make love to right now."

The friend, without missing a beat said

"now J. you know I'm not a morning person, and neither are you!"

neuronurse
11-04-2007, 01:58 AM
Ok, so you have to understand that I'm short, but not that short. Although I guess compared to some of our 5'7" and up nurses/doctors I'm very short. Well, we had a rather confused pt one day. My preceptor went in to check on him and he said "Where is your twin?"
Thinking that he was seeing double my preceptor tried to get some more information. "You know, the elf." He replied. It was then that I walked in. "See, her, the Elf."

So now my new nickname at work, thanks to a lovely pt. Is Ernie the Elf. (Ernie because for some reason people can't figure out how to pronounce Erin, and I have become Ernie to many of our clerks.)

I can't even begin to describe how entertaining it is to have "Would the Elf please come to the nurses station" blared over the intercom.

I have a feeling this is a nickname I'm stick with for a while

jojodow
11-04-2007, 03:16 AM
Ok, so you have to understand that I'm short, but not that short. Although I guess compared to some of our 5'7" and up nurses/doctors I'm very short. Well, we had a rather confused pt one day. My preceptor went in to check on him and he said "Where is your twin?"
Thinking that he was seeing double my preceptor tried to get some more information. "You know, the elf." He replied. It was then that I walked in. "See, her, the Elf."

So now my new nickname at work, thanks to a lovely pt. Is Ernie the Elf. (Ernie because for some reason people can't figure out how to pronounce Erin, and I have become Ernie to many of our clerks.)

I can't even begin to describe how entertaining it is to have "Would the Elf please come to the nurses station" blared over the intercom.

I have a feeling this is a nickname I'm stick with for a while


I'll bet I'm shorter then you. At 4 ft 11 and 1/2 I've always been angry I never quite hit 5 feet. My co-workers keep picking on me because I have a hard time filing charts on our top shelves. I'm gonna lobby for shorter shelves. :)

adriennezurub
11-04-2007, 10:10 PM
When a crash happens on a fresh heart in the cardiac intensive unit, they immediately open the chest in the unit and do open cardiac massage.
One day, this guy named Tim played a joke on a resident. He called the OR and had the resident rush to unit for a patient that crashed.
The resident rushed into the unit (arriving first) assuming that the crash was on the patient he just sent up and immediately removed the chest wires and opened the patients chest. Then, Tim called to the resident from another bedside, and said out loud, NO! NO! The crash is over here!
The resident turned 20 shades of white! (He may have wet himself too).:boxing:
Then he beat the sh*t out of Tim! Just kidding! But, he did turn 20 shades pale white, and he's Black!

I guess this is funny...after years of therapy for that resident. And yes, the resident did open the right chest!

Adriene Zurub,RN,CNOR
Author
'Notes From the Mothership The Naked Invisibles'
(The book that the CEO of Cleveland Clinic will not want you to buy):rock:
http://adriennezurub.typepad.com

MyOwnWoman
11-05-2007, 07:25 PM
Jodi, you are not short, you are merely vertically challenged! That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Mrs.Rollins
11-14-2007, 04:11 PM
I was helping a 95 year-old patient to change into clean street clothes last week. She was very buxom, and her bra was clearly not large enough. I struggled, pulled, and contorted with all my might to get the thing closed and just could not do it. I told her that I didn't think this one was going to cut it anymore. Without missing a beat she says, "Well, I guess I should get a new one. But I'm 95! I don't even buy green bananas."

I laughed until my stomach hurt.

Julie
11-14-2007, 06:15 PM
How funny Mrs R.

I remember helping an elderly lady into what she called her "stays" which was some kind of corsett which was done up using about 50 hook and eye fastenings. She might have been old, but as far as she was concerned she wasn't getting dressed to go home without looking her best!

neuronurse
11-16-2007, 12:17 PM
I had a pt today who was pleasantly confused. I walked in to find him flinging his 100% nonrebreather mask in the air, he looked at me and said "I finally got that last piece off." He had such a big grin on his face it broke my heart to tell him he had to put it back on. He pouted for the rest of the night.

P/J
11-25-2007, 06:36 AM
I was helping a 95 year-old patient to change into clean street clothes last week. She was very buxom, and her bra was clearly not large enough. I struggled, pulled, and contorted with all my might to get the thing closed and just could not do it. I told her that I didn't think this one was going to cut it anymore. Without missing a beat she says, "Well, I guess I should get a new one. But I'm 95! I don't even buy green bananas."

I laughed until my stomach hurt.

AHHHH Bras, kept them away from me! I have enough trouble working out which way the panties go.

m_rizzle
11-26-2007, 04:23 AM
Best I can remember is an elderly patient who had the misfortune of sharing a room with a rather whiny, difficult younger woman who complained about everything. Literally, everything. I was taking the whiny lady's vitals, and she wouldn't stop bitching about how tight the b/p cuff was, getting snotty about it. When I was finally done, I had to walk past the older woman's bed to leave... as I pass, I see her gesturing for me to come over, so I do, thinking she might need some assistance with something. She has me lean in close so she can whisper, in her sweet, pleasant-toned old granny voice:

"Next time just put that damned thing around her neck!"

Took every ounce of self control I had not to just dissolve into a fit of laughter right then and there...

DisappearingJohn
12-11-2007, 01:39 AM
I imagine that many male patients are happy to see male nurses on the unit when it's time for a bed bath. Do you ever have female patients refuse to have you for their nurse because you are a man?

MJ

I've only had one patient refuse to let me be their nurse, and they were a member of an Islamic sect that required wearing a burkha at all times, etc... they would not even allow a male doctor (luckily for them we had a female ED doc that night)...

Of course, I'm not an incredibly young, virile specimen of a man anymore, so maybe I'm not as threatening...

I go out of my way to make the patient comfortable, and respect their privacy as much as possible; if I don't make it seem like its a big deal, they don't seem to, either...

I do have to admit to being glad I don't have to do pelvics, though... I make up for it by doing plenty of foleys for my female counterparts, though

P/J
12-13-2007, 08:06 AM
How come most of these stories are about elderly pts and mostly female.

Anyway, had a pt who required fluids stat over 12h for low BP, explained this to the pt that it would take 12h for the bags to empty. She replied thats good, I just don't want it going while I'm trying to sleep. This was at 2000h. She wasn't impressed when I told her that the 12h would be up at 0800h.

It seemed funny at the time.

On another note:
Old Grays Anatomy ep. Pt says while having BP taken '...are you trying to cut of my circulation..' YEH that is how BP measurements work!

starkissed
12-13-2007, 01:02 PM
We had a renal patient the other day. Lost the IV site and this woman was a hard stick. So we got the doppler out in attempt to visualize any vein that could be stuck... definitely for labs, but hopefully for an iv site. Pt is in her own drowsy state awaiting dialysis.. which could not be done until we had the labs... until the needle went into her arm. And booom.. she flew up out of the chair and started yelling "You are going to suck out ALL of my blood.. aren't you??" Evil eyes glaring and then back to sleeping she went.

Well we got the blood for the lab but the iv site was a no go. Thankfully she went out to the floor after dialysis.

and P/J... I think the elderly, especially the women, just tend to be funnier? I guess some of the things they say we just don't expect they would say.

P/J
12-18-2007, 01:05 AM
Funny story from my last placement, more situational than said to me. The hospital has taken nursing students for years, but due to the lack of places for med students they have started to take them as well. During the planing stage by the hospital, me and another nurse were using the office to which the med students were to be assigned (we used it to do assignments, de-brief, etc). So of course we decorated it with lots of nursing posters, cartoons, slogans. AS soon as the med students arrived, it all disappeared, but every now and then I would see one of my cartoons on a NUMs office door.

Anyway as students we have access to patient files. We are told on day one that if we take them away from the main nurses station , then we have to tell the clerk (there are 2 desks due to the length of the ward, and more space on the 2nd desk so when writing notes we sometimes take the file down the ward). Anyway on one particluar day there was an announcment about 'can the med students please return all the files to the ICU', the comments on the wards was that you would never have that trouble with the nursing students.

KMRN853
12-27-2007, 12:05 AM
I had a patient today who is incontinent of urine. She went for an abdominal/pelvic ultrasound, but the radiologist said that her bladder wasn't full enough to get accurate results. So I decided that she would probably need a foley, so I got an order from the doctor to do so. I go to insert the foley and the patient stated to me that she has had a foley put in a few other times and each nurse who put it in had a pretty difficult time doing so. After hearing this I was preparing myself to have to call a more seasoned nurse to assist me, but I got it in on the first try. I looked up at the patient and she had a shocked look on her face and started laughing hysterically. I asked her what was so funny and she just said "nothing, I just thought of a good nickname for you- I'm going to call you the champion of the pee line!"

KimRN
12-27-2007, 01:34 PM
AHHHH Bras, kept them away from me! I have enough trouble working out which way the panties go.

Dear lord, I nearly choked on my latte!:dancing2:

Apeman
12-27-2007, 05:27 PM
At the frail care I work at we have this dear 97 year old lady whose great granddaughter has just produced a child. Our 97 year old, when the frail care was full of relatives visiting their family members, shouts at the top of her voice (and its a strong loud voice)"I'm pregnant and I don't know who the father is." Her son who was visiting at the time and is fairly high up in the local Scout movement nearly dropped his cup of tea.

Mr Ian
12-28-2007, 12:25 AM
A gentleman with chronic shizophrenia I have nursed has long suffered delusional beliefs. For example, the vagina in his brain is what causes women to make him masturbate....

However, one day, this guy was sat talking with a nurse in the garden area, watching the magpies stalk the ground for food. After a while, he told the nurse that the bird was actually “Jessica”, a former policewoman from his home area who was reincarnated and often talked to him.

The nurse intrigued by this disclosure invited me over to join the conversation which went something like..

“We're just sitting talking, why don't you tell Ian what you we talked about”

“What d'ya mean?”

“Well tell Ian about Jessica” to which he related a story of a policewoman in his home area who he remembers.

“And tell Ian, what's that over there”, as she points to said magpie, he looks back at her and says in dead pan face,

“It's a bird. Didn't you know that?”

heatherhoney
01-06-2008, 07:21 PM
As a young student nurse on my Theatre rotation, I was in the fortunate(?) position of watching the Master of Surgery remove an in-grown toe nail from a 10 yr. old boy. All the way through the operation Mr. O Donnell made disparaging remarks about the childs mothers inability to cut her sons toenails properly, advising that if she had done so, the child would not have been on his table that day.
When the surgery was complete and the child dispatched to Recovery, The Great One dramatically threw off his shoe, placed his foot on the table and presented all present with a snow white foot adorned with perfectly clipped, straight toenails. "That" he informed us "is how toenails should be cut!" Behind her hand the scrub nurse whispered to me "Thank God he wasnt doing a circumcision!!!":hmmmm:

KimRN
01-06-2008, 08:08 PM
As a young student nurse on my Theatre rotation, I was in the fortunate(?) position of watching the Master of Surgery remove an in-grown toe nail from a 10 yr. old boy. All the way through the operation Mr. O Donnell made disparaging remarks about the childs mothers inability to cut her sons toenails properly, advising that if she had done so, the child would not have been on his table that day.
When the surgery was complete and the child dispatched to Recovery, The Great One dramatically threw off his shoe, placed his foot on the table and presented all present with a snow white foot adorned with perfectly clipped, straight toenails. "That" he informed us "is how toenails should be cut!" Behind her hand the scrub nurse whispered to me "Thank God he wasnt doing a circumcision!!!":hmmmm:

I'm sitting in a coffee shop and I nearly had a cinammon latte spew all over my keyboard - hilarious! :dancing2: