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  #21  
Old 09-17-2007, 01:44 PM
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A patient once told me that he was unable to use a urinal in bed as his anatomy was just too large for it to fit in the top of it. Can't remember what happened as I was only about 18 but I am sure I slunk away with a red face!
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  #22  
Old 09-17-2007, 03:17 PM
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This is easily the funniest thing ever said to me.
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  #23  
Old 09-17-2007, 11:28 PM
jojodow
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Smile

Not a funny thing....more like a funny story.

While at the hospital I admitted a 70 yr old from Post Op Cholecystectomy. When he got there he was confused (we figured it was the Morphine PCA) and kept saying he was "gonna die today" I told him we don't like to hear that kinda stuff on my floor and he laughed.

(It gets better) He could answer all my orientation ?s but kept saying goofy things all the while his wife was just laughing at him at the bedside.
Then he got all serious and said

"You're a nurse right?"
I said "yes sir"
"OK, I trust you but I'm real worried about you, look at this tube right here" pointing to his foley going down to the gravity bag.
I said "Ok"
He said "Now see that thing it's attached to?"
I pick up the urine filled bag and say yes
He says real serious "Now honey, That's a bomb...you have to get everyone out of here"
Without breaking my expression, I hold it up higher so he can see... "No sir...It's just Pee"
His Wife nearly fell off her chair laughing.

He was really concerned. After the Morphine wore off he had forgotten the whole thing...but laughed when we told him about it.
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  #24  
Old 09-18-2007, 01:55 AM
Marachne
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Not said to me, but still one of the funniest things I've heard. One of our beloved patients, after several rounds of chemo and radiation came back with brain mets for her final days. Staying with her a lot of the time was one of her best and dearest friends. One night, at around 0300, the patient woke up and said to her friend:

"I want you to make love to right now."

The friend, without missing a beat said

"now J. you know I'm not a morning person, and neither are you!"
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  #25  
Old 11-04-2007, 01:58 AM
neuronurse
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Default Ernie the Elf

Ok, so you have to understand that I'm short, but not that short. Although I guess compared to some of our 5'7" and up nurses/doctors I'm very short. Well, we had a rather confused pt one day. My preceptor went in to check on him and he said "Where is your twin?"
Thinking that he was seeing double my preceptor tried to get some more information. "You know, the elf." He replied. It was then that I walked in. "See, her, the Elf."

So now my new nickname at work, thanks to a lovely pt. Is Ernie the Elf. (Ernie because for some reason people can't figure out how to pronounce Erin, and I have become Ernie to many of our clerks.)

I can't even begin to describe how entertaining it is to have "Would the Elf please come to the nurses station" blared over the intercom.

I have a feeling this is a nickname I'm stick with for a while
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  #26  
Old 11-04-2007, 03:16 AM
jojodow
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neuronurse View Post
Ok, so you have to understand that I'm short, but not that short. Although I guess compared to some of our 5'7" and up nurses/doctors I'm very short. Well, we had a rather confused pt one day. My preceptor went in to check on him and he said "Where is your twin?"
Thinking that he was seeing double my preceptor tried to get some more information. "You know, the elf." He replied. It was then that I walked in. "See, her, the Elf."

So now my new nickname at work, thanks to a lovely pt. Is Ernie the Elf. (Ernie because for some reason people can't figure out how to pronounce Erin, and I have become Ernie to many of our clerks.)

I can't even begin to describe how entertaining it is to have "Would the Elf please come to the nurses station" blared over the intercom.

I have a feeling this is a nickname I'm stick with for a while

I'll bet I'm shorter then you. At 4 ft 11 and 1/2 I've always been angry I never quite hit 5 feet. My co-workers keep picking on me because I have a hard time filing charts on our top shelves. I'm gonna lobby for shorter shelves.
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  #27  
Old 11-04-2007, 10:10 PM
adriennezurub
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Cool Crash!

When a crash happens on a fresh heart in the cardiac intensive unit, they immediately open the chest in the unit and do open cardiac massage.
One day, this guy named Tim played a joke on a resident. He called the OR and had the resident rush to unit for a patient that crashed.
The resident rushed into the unit (arriving first) assuming that the crash was on the patient he just sent up and immediately removed the chest wires and opened the patients chest. Then, Tim called to the resident from another bedside, and said out loud, NO! NO! The crash is over here!
The resident turned 20 shades of white! (He may have wet himself too).
Then he beat the sh*t out of Tim! Just kidding! But, he did turn 20 shades pale white, and he's Black!

I guess this is funny...after years of therapy for that resident. And yes, the resident did open the right chest!

Adriene Zurub,RN,CNOR
Author
'Notes From the Mothership The Naked Invisibles'
(The book that the CEO of Cleveland Clinic will not want you to buy)
http://adriennezurub.typepad.com

Last edited by adriennezurub; 11-04-2007 at 10:11 PM. Reason: spellcheck
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  #28  
Old 11-05-2007, 07:25 PM
MyOwnWoman
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Jodi, you are not short, you are merely vertically challenged! That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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  #29  
Old 11-14-2007, 04:11 PM
Mrs.Rollins
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I was helping a 95 year-old patient to change into clean street clothes last week. She was very buxom, and her bra was clearly not large enough. I struggled, pulled, and contorted with all my might to get the thing closed and just could not do it. I told her that I didn't think this one was going to cut it anymore. Without missing a beat she says, "Well, I guess I should get a new one. But I'm 95! I don't even buy green bananas."

I laughed until my stomach hurt.
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  #30  
Old 11-14-2007, 06:15 PM
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How funny Mrs R.

I remember helping an elderly lady into what she called her "stays" which was some kind of corsett which was done up using about 50 hook and eye fastenings. She might have been old, but as far as she was concerned she wasn't getting dressed to go home without looking her best!
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