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  #11  
Old 02-21-2008, 07:58 PM
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Cool Another One.

Another One.

Husband's note to his wife:
"Someone from the Guyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst beer is normal."

(I don't think this sheep liked it!)
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  #12  
Old 02-22-2008, 01:47 AM
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I'm not sure I understood it!
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  #13  
Old 02-22-2008, 03:18 PM
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"Someone from the Guyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst beer is normal."

Guyna Colleges = gynocologist

Pabst beer = pap smear

maybe it's an accent thing?
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  #14  
Old 02-22-2008, 04:51 PM
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Ah!

the other thing in my defense is that I didn't sleep after 4.30am for the second time this week (don't know why) so wasn't at my best!

Thanks for that Marachne.

Thanks PJ for trying to make me smile!
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  #15  
Old 02-23-2008, 08:39 PM
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Wink New Joke!

Nurses who act cranky need to learn to wear their maxi-pad sticky side out! Might as well smile!!!!!
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  #16  
Old 02-24-2008, 07:51 AM
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It took me a little while too Julie.


(My partner has just told me that Pabst beer is actually a real bee. It make a bit more sense now.)
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  #17  
Old 03-08-2008, 08:39 AM
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EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby
in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that
her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had
died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the Nurse told me to put
on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions
include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
"How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion
she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was
alive." Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while
checking up on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the
taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for
immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table,
the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was
a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the
surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry,
had to mow the lawn." Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!!!................

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed
when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady
upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
embarrassed me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm
sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. Wouldn't submit his name
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  #18  
Old 03-10-2008, 09:07 AM
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by CamperNurse View Post
Nurses who act cranky need to learn to wear their maxi-pad sticky side out! Might as well smile!!!!!
Learning about these everyday. Had a dementia patient say that she didn't need to wear a pad (incontinent pad) as it wasn't that time of the month.
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  #19  
Old 05-28-2008, 12:28 AM
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Cool Unintended Consequences

The American Medical Association has declared that ht long-term implications of drugs or medical procedures must be more fully considered.

Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and ****** than is spent on Alzheimer's disease research.

It is now projected that by the year 2015 there will be fifty million people wandering around with huge breasts or erections, who can't remember what to do with them.
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  #20  
Old 05-28-2008, 12:31 AM
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Default Final Tributes

Three nurses die in a car accident and go to heaven for an orientation. They are all asked, "when you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first nurse says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great nurse of my time, and was devoted to my patients."

The second nurse says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful pediatric nurse who made a difference in many children's lives"

The last nurse replied, "I would like to hear them say, 'LOOK SHE'S MOVING!'"
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