Nursing Voices Forum  Meet other nurses, share your nursing knowledge and experiences
Nursing Talk from Around the Worlds

Go Back   Nursing Voices Forum Meet other nurses, share your nursing knowledge and experiences > Laughter is the Best Medicine

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-06-2008, 03:56 PM
Scalpal Sal
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Church Bulletins

Church Bulletins
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.


These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS ) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
----- ---------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-06-2008, 06:59 PM
MyOwnWoman
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

How funny! Thanks for the much needed laugh.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-07-2008, 04:54 PM
Mother Jones, RN's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 425
Mother Jones, RN has a reputation beyond reputeMother Jones, RN has a reputation beyond reputeMother Jones, RN has a reputation beyond reputeMother Jones, RN has a reputation beyond reputeMother Jones, RN has a reputation beyond reputeMother Jones, RN has a reputation beyond reputeMother Jones, RN has a reputation beyond reputeMother Jones, RN has a reputation beyond reputeMother Jones, RN has a reputation beyond reputeMother Jones, RN has a reputation beyond reputeMother Jones, RN has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------


Too funny!!!!!!!!!


MJ
__________________
Sanity is madness put to good use. George Santayana.

http://nurse-ratcheds.blogspot.com
Reply With Quote
  
 

Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:58 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.1
Copyright © 2006-2012 Nursing Voices